Email my former babysitter last week. She emailed me back, saying how seeing me brought back memories of my brother & me when we were kids. She also said how she knows I’ll miss my mom as much as she misses her, esp at this time of year.
I agree that I’ll miss my mom this time of year, but I don’t know if I’ll miss her as much as B misses her mom. I’d like to think that I will, but who knows…
In some ways, her passing is a relief…she was suffering in the nursing home & it was a burden on me, both emotionally & time-wise.
It doesn’t feel real yet to me, I guess is the best way to describe it. When my dad died 24 yrs ago (I was 10.5), I recall “pretending” that he was just on a business trip – even though my dad rarely took business trips. With my brother (22 yrs ago; I was 13), I don’t know what I “pretended”. He wasn’t living with us when it happened, so I suppose I kept with that – he’s at his place & is super busy & hasn’t had time to see us.
I don’t feel like I miss my dad & brother much. Perhaps I did, back in the day. I can’t remember how I grieved over their deaths. I know I was in counseling in jr high – individual & small group and in a small group in high school But beyond that, I'm not sure how I coped with it. Some would argue that I never have fully grieved...
I’ll email B back in the next few days. Not exactly sure what I’ll say or if we’ll start up an email friendship – we’ll see. I was shocked though that on the morning of the “life celebration”, her face pop’d into my head & that I remembered her name. I haven’t thought about her / talked about her with my mom for many, many years. Which makes it even odder to me that I suddenly remembered her. I honestly don’t remember her babysitting us, so I suppose I can just say that to her & go from there.
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